The Great Switcheroo
by RodianSinger
Summary: Something strange has happened to the crew of the Enterprise. But they don't seem to realize it. Will they figure it out before it's too late? Read and find out.


Jan made a mad dash for the turbolift and managed to slip through the doors just before they slid completely closed.

"Bridge", she said, twisting the nearest handle. The turbolift obediently lurched into motion. Alone, she used the time to straighten her uniform, rumpled from the wild run. It wouldn't do for the Captain to appear on the bridge looking like a first-year cadet who was late for class.

As she smoothed down her skirt and flipped her golden-brown hair out of her eyes, she became aware of a growing feeling of unease which she'd been pushing aside all morning. It wasn't a feeling of danger or worry, nothing so precise as that, something just felt...wrong.

Nervously, she pulled at the gold stripes on her uniform, making sure the sleeves rested at equal heights on her forearms. She couldn't put her finger on what was different. The day had started like every other day since the beginning of their mission. She'd gotten up at precisely the same time, eaten the same breakfast. Nothing had been out of place in her room or in the corridor.

She stomped her foot experimentally. Nope, the turbolift felt the same as always, and moved at the same speed as far as she could tell.

No matter, she pushed her strange musings out of her mind as the turblift ground to a halt. The door opened and admitted the tall rigid figure of the First Officer, commander T' Pock.

"Good morning Commander". Kirk said jovially, her attitude relaxed as it always was around her friend.

The stern faced Vulcan woman nodded in greeting with a respectful "Captain", as she took her place alongside her commanding officer.

To anyone else, the Commander's attitude would have seemed coolly distant. But Jan had come to know T'Pock very well since they'd both been assigned to the Enterprise, and she knew that for all her logic and the emotionless show she put on, she considered the Captain to be her closest friend.

"Have your scanners found anything of interest?" Kirk asked conversationally, leaning casually against the wall of the turbolift. They'd been tasked with mapping the systems in the uncharted region of the Leo star group and were currently orbiting the second planet in the system officially labelled Delta Leo two. They had dropped into orbit around the uncharted planet the day before and had been running all the routine readings before they mapped it and moved on. So far there seemed nothing remarkable about the celestial body but perhaps an unusual reading could account for the unease she had been feeling.

But she was to be disappointed.

"Quite the opposite," T'Pock reported dispassionately. "Scans have indicated no life beyond basic single cell development and no geographical anomalies of particular interest. It is my recommendation that we record our findings and depart for the next class M planet in this system". She handed the data-pad she held to the Captain for her perusal.

Kirk looked over the unremarkable readings with little interest. After nearly two weeks of the same, ti was a wonder she hadn't died of boredom yet. That, she considered could be the cause of the agitation she was experiencing.

But she decided to ask anyways.

"Commander", She began hesitantly as she handed the pad back, "have you been getting any strange...feelings." As soon as the words were out of her mouth she wished she'd phrased it differently. Oh well too late now.

"Feelings? Captain?" She asked with a raised eyebrow. "I am Vulcan."

"I've noticed", Kirk said dryly. She was actually only half Vulcan, but this was not the time to point that out. "I just meant, does everything feel...normal".

"Normal? You'll have to be more specific than that."

"When you woke up this morning, was it just like every other morning? Did it feel the same as every other day on board this ship, or did it feel different?"

There was now a hint of concern showing in T'Pock's normally Vulcan features. "I can't say that it has Captain," she answered, looking at Kirk intently. "Perhaps you're unwell".

This was a possibility. The closed environment on board a star ship could produce many undesired effects. But this wasn't like any space madness that she'd ever heard of before. It wasn't really a madness at all, just a nagging insistence gnawing at the back of her skull. She could almost ignore it if she tried hard enough.

She chewed her lip thoughtfully. "Perhaps,"

Their arrival on the bridge put an end to their conversation. Kirk stepped out of the turbolift and stood for a moment simply drinking in the atmosphere. She'd been to dozens of systems, literally hundreds of planets and met thousands of exotic new species and people, but in all the years that she'd been a star fleet officer she'd never felt more at home anywhere else in the galaxy than right here.

Her strange discomfort momentarily forgotten, she bounded eagerly down the steps to her chair while T'Pock assumed her station at a much more sedate pace. Just to her right Lieutenant Uhura diligently worked his communications console, pausing briefly to acknowledge the Captain's presence.

On the main view screen the bluish grey sphere of Delta Leo Two turned, eerily beautiful beneath the orbiting star ship, while Chekov and Sulu manned the helm, chatting quietly.

"Maintaining standard orbit Captain," Lieutenant Sulu reported, glancing over her shoulder at Jane.

"Good," Kirk nodded approvingly. "Plot a course to Delta Leo three, top priority".

"Aye Captain," the petite Asian helms woman replied, moving to obey her commands.

Kirk glanced over at T'Pock's science station. "Commander," she said "how long until those sensor readings are complete?"

T'Pock bent over her viewer to check, the flickering blue light reflecting off her face as she did. "At this speed Captain...an hour and ten minutes".

Nodding, Kirk turned her attention to the the muscular dark haired figure of their chief engineer. "Miss Scott, she said leaning against the railing at her station, "I want us ready to break orbit in an hour and a half. Please inform engineering."

"Aye Cap'n," came the reply.

Next, she turned to the communications officer. "Lieutenant, as soon as T'Pock's people are finished I'd like you to transmit all their findings and all the past week's log entries to Star fleet command.

The dark handsome officer nodded distractedly, one hand at his earpiece, his attention split between the Captain and monitoring all inter-ship communications. Kirk knew she could rely on the Lieutenant to carry out her orders and paused to survey the bridge. Everyone present was performing to her usual standards, and the bridge was operating at peak efficiency, and she decided that she was not needed for the time being.

"Commander, you have the bridge," She told T'Pock. "Notify me of any changes".

"Aye Captain," T'Pock watched her disappear into the turbolift before turning back to her console.

Sickbay was quiet as it had been for the last two weeks when Kirk arrived. Doctor McCoy at her desk signing the inventory forms for that quarter. In addition Kirk was taking advantage of the weeks long lull by having the bio-beds completely overhauled, and the sound of tools and voices was drifting in from the ward where two lab technicians were hard at work on the delicate machinery.

Doctor Leona McCoy, affectionately referred to as "Bones" didn't even look up as Kirk entered the room.

"Glad you're here Captain," the crusty middle-aged surgeon said. "Sign these."

Kirk smiled as she took the data padd from her friend. She was used to Leona's usual form of communication. Abrupt, direct, no wasted manners where they weren't necessary.

She was adding her name to the report on every line marked _Captain's Signature _when she became aware of the familiar metallic whirring noise of a medical scanner, which McCoy was passing over her, a concerned scowl on her face.

"That's not why I came down here." Kirk said, stopping her hand.

Leona grunted in annoyance. "I'll be the judge of that 'Doctor'." she insisted her eyes fixed on her tricorder screen. "You don't look quite like yourself."

Jan sighed there was no use in trying to hide anything from her CMO. "You know, I don't feel quite like myself," She admitted in defeat, handing the datapadd back.

McCoy quickly scrolled through the file, checking that everything was in order before turning her attention back to Kirk. "Well there's nothing medically wrong with you," she said, referring to her scanner. "Christopher," she shouted for her head nurse.

A moment later Christopher Chapel appeared in the doorway. At a mind boggling six and a half feet he was the tallest man on board the Enterprise, barely clearing the door frame. The tall lanky nurse already carried several datapadds in his long arms but took the one that McCoy handed him with a smile.

"Captain," he nodded respectfully.

"And how are you nurse?" Kirk asked. She didn't know the boy too well, but they had shared a certain understanding since their misadventure on Exo III. She'd been the only one present to witness Chris's fiance Regina's death, and Kirk had kept the exact circumstances out of her official log. It had been the least she could do for the earnest young nurse.

"Surviving" He answered cheerfully despite the load he was managing. He began to say something else but was interrupted by a loud crash from the exam room.

McCoy's head immediately snapped to attention. "Dammit!" She exclaimed, then turned her anger on Captain Kirk. "Dammit Jan! I told you I didn't want those bumbling mechanics traipsing through my sickbay."

"Bones."

"They're fiddling with incredibly delicate equipment in there. Did you tell them that those aren't their warp coils Jan?" Christopher wisely remained quiet while Kirk tried to communicate with the agitated Doctor.

"I'm sure if you keep shouting about it they'll hear you." Jan assured her, smirking. Her only response was an unconvinced: "Hrmph"

Chris took advantage of the moment of calm to slip out of McCoy's office and leave his superiors officers to their private conversation.

McCoy moved around to the other side of her desk and dropped into her chair with an exaggerated air of exhaustion. "So what is it you came down here for Jan?"

"Company." She answered honestly. "There's been no red alert, no hostile alien lifeforms nothing worth noticing has been noticed, and I'm dying of boredom up there on the bridge." She got comfortable in the chair opposite McCoy, putting her booted feet up on the desk between them...which she then immediately lowered at the hostile look on McCoy's face.

"You've gotten spoiled for adventure Jan". She declared.

"Most assuredly." She agreed, leaning her head back to stare at the blank grey ceiling.

McCoy stood abruptly crossing the room to the coffee maker she kept full round the clock. She poured herself a cup, holding up the pot towards Kirk in an unspoken offer.

"Real or synthetic?"

"If it were real, I wouldn't be sharing it." To put it bluntly.

Kirk politely declined.

"There's something else bugging you." McCoy stirred her coffee while she spoke, not taking her eyes from the Captain.

Kirk looked her in the eye, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"That's a nice trick. Do you do fortune telling too?" She remarked on the doctor's uncanny mind-reading ability.

McCoy chuckled as she made her way back to her seat. "When you've been a doctor as long as I have you learn to diagnose your patients before they tell ya what hurts...especially when that patient is a star ship Captain".

"And just how long exactly has that been?" Kirk fished jokingly.

"Nice try," McCoy laughed. "So are you gonna tell me, or do I have to drag it out of you?" She sipped at her coffee while she waited for Kirk's answer.

The captain debated the challenge for a moment. She didn't doubt for a second the doctor's ability to beat beg or nag the complaints out of her. She'd done it on many occasions in much more severe situations than this. "It's probably nothing..." She began uncertainly.

"It's never nothing when it concerns the safety and well-being of an entire star ship. Which is always, when you're Captain". McCoy retorted. "There are four-hundred and twenty-eight men and women on this ship who's lives depend on your focus. So tell me what's bothering you".

Kirk crossed and uncrossed her legs while she considered how to best phrase what she had been feeling. "Nothing." She said finally. "It's nothing, and that's just it."

At Leona's baffled expression she hurried to explain. "Everything is perfectly ordinary. Same ship, same people, same routine. Nothing's changed, nothing at all, yet I feel...different".

"Different?"

"Yes. Not like anything around me has changed, but like I've changed, from the minute I woke up. I feel it in my bones."

McCoy was quiet for several moments. Staring thoughtfully at the ceiling, sipping her coffee. Finally she looked back at Kirk. "I would think that's to be expected during long voyages. The kind of pressure you're under from day to day, it'd drive any sane person crazy. It'd probably drive any crazy person sane too come to think of it."

"That's what I thought too, but my only responsibility these past weeks has been paperwork".

"That'd drive a person crazy too." The Doctor quipped. "Seriously though Jan, I think that's exactly your problem. You keep expecting something to happen and the longer it doesn't the tenser you get. That's what's different".

"Are you saying your prescription is danger and disaster?" Kirk asked, smiling slightly.

"No. I'm saying my prescription is shore leave". McCoy clarified, leaning back with a satisfied look.

"You're sure you're not just saying that for your own benefit?" Jan asked, humour showing through her stern expression. McCoy had been pushing for leave time since they'd begun this mapping mission several weeks ago. She had no doubt that the Doctor had been just as bored here in her deserted sickbay as she herself had been everywhere else on the ship.

"I'm offended," McCoy thundered with mock indignation. "That you would even suggest-"

"All right, all right..." Kirk held up her hands defensively as she stood and made to leave. "I'll think about it".

The Doctor raised her coffee cup in a mock toast. "To the power of suggestion." She declared before draining the cup.

Nurse Chapel watched the Captain exit through the examination room while he took inventory of the medical supply closet. He couldn't help but overhear parts of the conversation taking place in the doctor's office. McCoy didn't seem worried in the least, but Chris considered himself fairly familiar with Kirk in his own way and knew that the Captain's instincts were usually to be trusted. Crazy though it may seem, she might've been onto something.

Oh well. It wasn't worth getting worried about right now. He put his concerns aside and diligently finished counting the stored blood in the unit. He was carefully noting the figures down when he walked straight into the supply shelves above, hitting his head with a solid _thwack._

The pain as well as the sudden stop startled him and he staggered back, the datapadd flying out of his hands to clatter to the floor while he clutched his forehead.

Hearing the noise, McCoy came rushing out of her office, eyes blazing. "Dammit. I told you..." She trailed off when she saw that it wasn't one of the technicians working on her precious instruments.

"What the hell happened Chris?" She asked more gently, although it was pretty obvious from the way he was rubbing his head.

"Has that always been there?" The Nurse asked, picking up the fallen equipment.

"Of course". She answered, a confused frown creasing her pretty face. "Chris are you all right?"

Nurse Chapel was still frowning at the offending corner. He walked past, or rather under, this shelf a hundred times every day and he'd never hit his head once that he could remember. He reached out to touch the smooth grey metal. "Has it gotten lower?" He asked curiously.

Doctor McCoy put her hand on Chris's shoulder, gently steering him towards her office. "C'mon Chris. Let e take a look at that lump," she said, equal parts concerned for her nurse and grateful for having an injury to treat.

Christopher snuck one last look at the shelf. There was nothing out of the ordinary about it, he was certain, yet he couldn't help feeling that it had gotten lower somehow. Either that, or he himself had grown suddenly.

Ha. He almost laughed out loud at that thought. What a ridiculous notion. Maybe he was going a little space happy too.

**I'll leave this as unfinished for now. Since it's pure crack fic and doesn't have much of a plot I may occasionally update it. After all, I will have to eventually explain what happened to the crew of the Enterprise.**

**Also this may sound presumptuous****of me, but if anyone would like to do a story using these switched characters I would very much enjoy reading it. In fact I'm actually requesting it from anyone who's interested. Just please run the story-line past me first cause these are sort of my characters. **

**Anywhoo. Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy my outrageous imagination.**


End file.
